Where Are the (Normal) Single Men Hiding?
By ANDREA SYRTASH (4 Photos)
I've covered the world of dating and interviewed singles across the country for close to a decade, and somehow I've never heard a dater claim that it's easy to meet great men in her area. I've heard that men in Toronto are too materialistic, men in Vancouver are too granola, and men in other parts of the country are too conservative, too rough around the edges and too hard to find.
When you're in school, boys are bountiful – in class, in the dorm, at your local dive bar. Somehow when we're out in the real world, it may seem that single men called a secret press conference and decided to disappear from plain sight. That or all the good ones are taken.
One friend told me that her neighborhood bar is full of “meat-heads, dimwits and douchebags” (*I won't pass on her compliments to the establishment). She's fed up with dating in her area and thinking of moving to another part of town and even another part of the country.
If moving in order to find a man has also crossed your mind, consider these steps first:
Pick up new single women for friendshipSick of weekends on dates with your friends, their husbands, and even their babies? One issue that single women over the age of 30 face is the fact that a number of their friends have settled down and aren't all that interested in going out to meet new men. If your pool of single girlfriends has dwindled, or you've been hanging out with the same set of single friends for years, expanding your social network is key to finding love.
So - the next time you go to an event or a party and feel let down that no eligible men are in sight, switch your focus to all the amazing women in the room. Hanging out with them will not only increase your chances of meeting great new men through their network, but also give your singlehood a boost.
Customize your searchPassion is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. Consider hanging out in places where you're comfortable, confident and can show your best self. If you're cerebral or a little shy, a bar may be your worst bet for meeting new men. In this case, consider attending a local lecture, joining a book club, or asking your new single girlfriends to set you up!
Also consider where the kind of man you want to attract may hang out. Ever looked around at the demographic of a wine bar? Chances are you'll see groups of women and people on dates; but few single men. If you like athletic men, swap the wine bar for a sports bar or join a coed sports league.
Bottom line: Think outside the box. Tailor your dating search to your interests (and his).
Search for love onlineThe stigma around this is gone. About half the single population is now dating online. If you're not, you're missing opportunities to meet men you otherwise wouldn't run into. If you've already tried dating online, consider mixing up your search with a new site. (Tip: Add a free site like OKCupid.com)
If you have online dating fatigue (it's a real condition!). Take a break and consider using a search engine to find local happenings around town. Most cities have 'meet ups' for every interest imaginable. You can search something specific like, “Comedy night for singles, Montreal” and see how many offerings your city has.
If moving locations to find a suitable mate has crossed your mind, consider exploring new possibilities in your area before breaking up with your city. You'd be amazed how many great men are asking where they can meet you too.
Andrea Syrtash is a dating and relationship expert and author. She's contributed to over a dozen relationship advice books and is the author of, He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing) Her new book, Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband) will be out in September.
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