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3 Ways to Understand What He Means

Aug 11, 2011 at 2:26 PM Chime in now

Man-Speak

Masterfile

By ADRIANA ERMTER

All of my girlfriends will tell you that: a) I’m a great listener and b) I don’t play the blame game. Of course, they’re right. And yet, I have to admit: sometimes, deciphering what my husband is saying is equivalent to making sense of IKEA-furniture instructions. And surely that’s his fault not mine...right?
 
Umm, no.
 
According to Toronto-based psychotherapist Hina Khan, it’s harder than you think to really listen when your partner is speaking. “We often make the mistake of assuming that we know what they are going to say,” explains Khan. “Therefore, we don’t feel like we need to give our partner our full attention.” Sadly, clinging to the notion that we women are the superior communicators won’t help…even if your girlfriends back you up. Instead, apply Khan’s three proactive techniques to improve your listening skills:  
 
1. Pay Attention
Don't assume that you know what he’s going to say; hear him out. “It’s important to not only hear the message, but to also hear how he’s saying it,” explains Khan. “Don't interrupt and/or formulate your response while he’s still talking.”
  
2. Focus 
Yes, that means stop Tweeting; turn off the TV (even if The Big Bang Theory is on); and put down the September issue of Vogue. “Stop multi-tasking and focus on what your partner is saying,” advises Khan. “Not only will you listen more effectively, but your partner will feel respected.”

3. Did I get it?
Repeat what your partner has just said to you, back to him. Not only will this “help to eliminate any misunderstanding,” says Khan, it will also create positive feelings on both sides. And that equals a win-win situation.

Read More:
Man-Speak: 3 Ways to Get Your Guy to Listen
Breaking Up In The Age Of Social Media
10 Reasons Your Relationships Never Last


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