I Want Sex More Than My Husband: Am I Normal?
By LOLA AUGUSTINE BROWN
There’s a commonly held assumption that men always want more sex than women. Study after study backs this as fact, but each of us is an individual and we all have different sex drives, which can wax and wane depending on a number of different factors. We take a look at a few of the possible reasons you may want to get busy more than your hubbie:
Why he suddenly wants less nookie
There are lots of reasons why people go off sex. Work stress can be a major concern, feeling unattractive because you’ve put on weight, feeling disconnected from your partner, or maybe just being generally depressed. This rings true for men as well as women.
"There was a three month period last year when Bill just had no interest in sex, and I had no idea what was going on," says Allie*, "I was distraught, thinking that he’d gone off me or that he must be having an affair." Allie and Bill started having regular sex again, but she never found out why he went off it for a while (though she now suspects it was due to work stress).
All too commonly, when it comes to problems with sex, we make assumptions and become afraid to discuss what the issues are (and women are really good at blaming themselves). If you want to find out why your man’s libido has taken a nose dive, you need to ask – but outside of the bedroom, when there is no pressure to perform. Go for a nice dinner, or a walk somewhere pretty and ask him what’s up. Once you know, you’ll be better able to fix the issues at play.
Why you want more
It is widely accepted that women become more sexually confident and become more in tune with their bodies with age, and new research by psychologist David Buss at the University of Texas found that women become significantly more sexual between the ages of 27 and 45, and he argues that we are evolutionarily programmed to enjoy sex more as our fertility declines.
What you can do
Addressing whatever issues are happening in your relationship will help a great deal, but you can also get creative and put a little more effort into seducing your man (and showing him how attractive you find him). If you need ideas, check out one of the many sexual self-help books out there, or take a class at your local high-end adult store to get inspired.
If you still have a higher libido and want more sex, don't be afraid to help yourself out. Masturbation is completely normal, so pick up a fun toy for yourself (or go with hubby to buy one, a sexy act in itself) and indulge in a little self-love from time to time as a way to bridge the libido gap.
Tara, who has been married for 15 years, masturbates with the blessing of her hubby, "He acknowledges that he just isn't as sexual as me, and is perfectly happy with me having a little fun solo. He even bought me a new vibrator for Christmas."
* Names changed to protect privacy