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Contemplating a Threesome? 10 Dos and Don'ts to Consider

Jul 19, 2011 at 10:20 AM Chime in now

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By SARA STARKMAN

Threesomes are a tricky subject. They can be a very different experience depending on the relationship between the three people involved. If you're toying with the idea, here are some general dos and don'ts to keep in mind.

Related Story: Will a Threesome Ruin My Relationship?

DO Find a girlfriend with a similar openness and who you're comfortable with.
Threesomes, although much less taboo these days, are still a pretty wild experience. For most women, getting naked and being physical with a man is intimidating enough, no less another woman. With this in mind, it is important to share the experience with someone you're close with. You've most likely been naked with this person before, discussed intimate details of one another's sex lives, and would be able to be completely uninhibited together. As author, sexual educator and nurse Nina Hartley explains, "Your first attempt may be awkward, as first attempts often are…Prepare to be surprised and to learn things about yourself and your friend that you didn't know before."

DON'T Participate in a threesome with a girl who’s a stranger.
Partaking in a threesome with a girl you don't know will make the experience difficult for a couple of reasons. Primarily, you may feel as if you're competing for the man's attention. Some may find it easier to be intimate with a woman they're close with rather than someone they barely know. Nina Hartley reinforces this point by explaining that, "Threesomes only work if the feelings between the two women are genuinely warm, accepting and supportive."

DO Choose a man you don't know well or may never see again.
Although there’s no shame in having a threesome, if it’s your first time (or even if it isn’t) you’re less than likely to experience the choreographed threesome scene in Wild Things. Any emotional attachment to a man may cause discomfort when having to share him in bed. Plus, it will be much more fun to discuss this later with your girlfriend, when you can omit any details that should be left to the confines of that bedroom.

DON'T Have a threesome with your boyfriend or husband (or someone else’s boyfriend or husband).
There are so many reasons why this is a potential disaster. Sharing your significant other with a friend is like watching your worst nightmare come alive. You’re allowing your girlfriend to be intimate with your other half. Although you may initially feel OK with this, nothing will prepare you for that visual.

Cosmopolitan's relationship expert explains that "threesomes are an emotional minefield that even the most self-assured couples struggle to navigate…Watching your lover writhing naked with someone else is bound to hurt." The same goes for participating in a threesome as the third-party. Entering into a bed that is already so intimate for two people can be a difficult role to take on. This could also make future dinner parties and get-togethers extremely uncomfortable for years to come.

DO Allow things to happen naturally.
Threesomes are ultimately an altered expression of love-making (times three). Although it is not generally touted as such, it is three different pairs of people breaking social sexual norms, and illustrating passion, intimacy and sexual experimentation in its rawest form. That being said, "All three of you have your own rules and limits so understanding and respecting one another's comfort level should be a top priority," said a recent article on askmen.com.

DON'T Make a list of things you can and cannot do in bed.
Threesomes should be wild, weird, and wonderful. If you feel the need to regulate every move and interaction, you may have to stop and wonder if you're ready to engage in this kind of sexual activity.

DO Get a little tipsy.
In no way am I promoting excessive alcohol consumption, but I am saying that a glass or two of wine to lighten the mood, loosen inhibitions, and let your hair down, can be helpful. As long as the wine (or whatever your drink) is to help calm your nerves, and not the catalyst behind the threesome; there is no harm in procuring a slight buzz.

DON'T Get drunk as a skunk.
If you feel the need to get completely wasted prior to your threesome, or if it's the reason you suddenly think that a threesome is a good idea- it's not. Your decision should be made completely sober, and you don't want to engage in such a sensual and unique experience while simultaneously wondering why the room is spinning.

DO Be considerate of all parties.
Just because you're engaging in a "naughty" act doesn't mean that all good-girl habits go straight out the door. Especially if you're following the previous dos and don'ts, you never want to alienate your friend (if, for example, you seem to connect more with your male participant). Everyone should take turns, or engage in activities, simultaneously.

DON'T Forget you're partaking in a threesome.
It's easy for you and your friend to take turns with the man in your bed but, that's not really a threesome. You should be exploring all participants making sure you take time to experience everyone so as not to spoil your "man of choice." This way, he has time to gauge his next move, and you two have time to keep him lusting for more.

Read More:
More Sex Is The Secret To A Longer, Healthier Life
Who's More Sexually Satisfied: Married or Single Women?
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