Kate Middleton Waited 8 Years - How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?
Keystone Press
By ANDREA SYRTASH
Until Prince William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton, his future Queen had been dubbed 'Waity Katie' by many. The press, and the public, commended Kate and criticized her for her lengthy relationship with Will without the promise of matrimony. There was talk that Kate endured eight years as William's girlfriend, and that her fortitude finally paid off when she walked down the aisle with him this April and became Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.
Kate was a mere 21-years-old when she met William and likely had plans to finish her schooling and have a few more life experiences before settling into wifehood; but we commoners didn't consider that fact. Instead, presumptions were made about William's dedication to his mate, whether or not their love could survive given how long they’d dated, and how the poor girl was more like a lady in waiting than a future Queen.
Such assumptions about a couple's strength and future together without the promise of matrimony aren't unusual. How many times have you heard, or perhaps wondered yourself, if a couple would really settle down after being together for a few years? The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, has even has a rule: a woman should move on if she doesn't have a ring after one year of dating. There's just one issue with this: Not every woman wants a ring on her finger after dating someone for a year.
A 29-year-old PR exec recently wrote me, concerned because she was getting pressure from family and friends to fish or cut bait with her boyfriend. After all, there were other fish in the sea who’d likely want to settle down with her. This woman, who’d been with her boyfriend for four years, didn’t feel funny about the length of their relationship, until others told her she should.
Those of you facing similar pressure with too many, “Sooo – when are you guys getting hitched?” comments may want to rehearse a polite rebuttal to this often inappropriate and nosy question. Something like, “Things are going great, and I promise you'll know if we're having a wedding!” should suffice.
Like participating in a good press conference, the less emotional and defensive you get, the less other people will. If someone expresses genuine concern for your future, a simple, “Thanks for your concern. I know you want me to be happy – and I am,” should do the trick.
The only caveat to the assumption that a couple must be on the rocks is if one party is considerably more invested in the partnership than the other.
If you’re ready to get married and your man tells you, “I don't see marriage in my future,” and his actions don't indicate that he wants to settle down and raise a family – generally speaking, don't hold out the hope that he'll wake up and come to his senses. Of course you're wonderful, and he should see that, but reserve yourself for someone who knows that without you having to make your case. My basic relationship principle is: If you hear yourself defending your worth and value to the man you love – move on.
Otherwise, you can always try the tactic I used on my aunt's friend when she meddled into my business after I dated a man for five years. She exclaimed, “Andrea, what on earth are you waiting for?!” and I calmly responded, “Getting married isn't the challenge. Staying married – happily married – is my goal. That's what I want and am working towards....” That shut her up pretty fast.
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