By JACQUELINE PARKER

I was shocked recently to hear from a friend that she and her (previously deemed ‘boring and uninspiring’) boyfriend were making plans to shack up. I'd heard nothing but hopeless comments on the relationship and how it lacked the ability to go in any direction but down. So what happened? How did this dud turn into the perfect dude overnight?
 
What makes some women reevaluate their dreams and change in one area just to fulfill another? My friend was willing to give up on Prince Charming in order to fulfill the next part – marriage and babies. As women approach 40, we’re forced to take a step back and decide if some concessions are needed to achieve our grand plan. Should that mean giving up on finding the ideal man though? Canada’s got the eight highest divorce rate globally so doesn’t it make sense to choose a partner carefully?
 
In Lori Gottleib’s 2010 book Just Marry Him, she argues that “[Single women] would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they… realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.” I disagree with Lori on this point. From experience I can say that being with the wrong person and feeling alone can be lonelier than actually being alone. However it depends if you’re looking for someone to keep you company or a partner in crime. I much prefer the latter.
 
While I disagree with some of Lori Gottlieb points, she isn’t entirely off base. While the idea of ‘settling’ makes most of us cringe, Gottlieb does make a good point here. In fact, she is bringing to light something that should have been shouted from the rooftop years ago which is there is no “10” when it comes to relationships. There is no perfect man and no perfect relationship.

Gottlieb suggests we look at the great qualities that are there, instead of what’s missing to see we can have a happy relationship once we stop reaching for the impossible. That doesn’t mean to totally disregard attraction, simply to just focus more on the qualities that will benefit you long-term.
 
Signs to watch for before taking the next step:
 
Differences in priorities and expectations
Are you both on the same page when it comes to your life goals – marriage, babies, etc.?
 
Child-rearing issues
You both like to dream about becoming parents but what about when the dream becomes reality? Will the duties be equally shared?
 
Communication breakdown
Do you both see world from totally different viewpoints and can’t seem to understand each other’s perspectives, or want to?
 
Financial issues
Do you both approach your finances with the same objective or is one of you a saver while the other has a ‘devil may care’ attitude?
 
Boredom
Do you both like to shake it up or do you both enjoy the predictable routine? When things become a little dull, will you both be willing to spice it up by trying new things?

Jacqueline is the publisher of Solomag.com, an online lifestyle magazine for single and independent women.

Read More:
Are You Financially Powerless in Your Relationship?
The Rules: How to Have a Lasting Long-Distance Relationship
10 Signs He's a Keeper
30 Days, 30 Ways to Improve Your Relationship