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Wish We'd Known: Things No One Told Us About Kids With ADHD

Being a parent is tough and having a child with ADHD adds a whole new dimension to the gig. You love your child, but there will be days when parenting sucks. When the chaos closes in around you, take heart- you are not alone! Here are some encouraging words of wisdom from other moms of ADHD kids.

By TARA ROBERTSON, Tara's View of the World

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Your Child Will Probably Be Misunderstood

We take for granted that all children naturally learn proper social and behaviour skills. In some ADHD kids, like my son, these have to be taught and modelled at great length.

He is full of passion, extremely loyal and has a strong sense of justice which means if someone pushes him – even accidentally – he tends to react aggressively without thinking. He is greatly misunderstood by others- children and adults alike. --Amanda Pruim

PHOTO: FLICKR CC/ CHARAMELODY
Work With Your Child`s Strengths

Use incentives, not punishment as motivation. Kids with ADHD seem to respond better to positive reinforcement. Try to shield your child from constant criticism and ridicule. The psychological damage they will internalize will take the good part of a lifetime to release. Let them be who they are. Let them draw, make notes, or otherwise fidget without feeling bad about themselves.

If you find areas where your child can ‘hyperfocus,’ go with it. I have a son who will sit and read Rick Riordan books really well.

Tip: They’re great for ADHD kids. Riordan wrote his exciting books with his ADHD son in mind. --Joann M.

PHOTO: MASTERFILE
Make Your Child Aware

Teach your child awareness of their bodies by using language that helps them identify their activity level, such as "Wow! You are so excited to see your friends, and you are hugging them hard! Your engine is running really, really fast right now!" This ‘awareness’ will help them learn to self- regulate their behaviour and activity level. --Kristy Gaddie

PHOTO: FLICKR CC/ JASOHILL
Don`t Let Your Child Use ADHD as an Excuse

When you talk to your child about his diagnosis, don’t place too much emphasis on the challenges he or she faces. My son, Kellen, began to use it as an excuse for poor or inappropriate behaviour. Tell your child that ADHD means he or she may need to work harder to do what is right, not that they get a free pass when he makes a poor choice.--Sheri McDonald, Kidsumers

PHOTO: FLICKR CC/ MORGAN CHILDERS
You Will Have To Change

When I became a parent, my life as a ‘woman-on-the-go’ with no routine changed forever. Children need consistency, routine and a lot of attention.

At age nine, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD - the combined type - and adjustment disorder. Selflessly dedicating time to learn about all the community resources and agencies will help you recognize the signs early on and provide support in raising a child with special developmental needs. --Cheryl / purplegal78@

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You Are Your Child`s Soft Place to Land

School and social settings can be extremely difficult for kids with ADHD, who often have to work extra hard to fit in because of impulse control and poor social skills. Home has to be your child’s safe place: somewhere they know they are accepted and loved unconditionally, even if that means that you take the brunt of their anger and frustration.--Laura Wright, The ODD Mom

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Patience is Key

Compulsion, lack of focus and obsessions may not be part of your daily life but for this child they are. The day-to-day stuff, such as putting a pair of socks on, how they brush their teeth or where they sit at the table can be a major thing.

Sometimes it can seem more like your child is being stubborn but that is not the case. It is who they are. I still remind myself that things I deem completely unnecessary have to be done before we can move on with the day. I have had to learn to allot more time for these things in order to make my child feel more secure and in control. --Sandy Orazine

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Control Is an Illusion

Sometime you have to give up control, or at least the illusion of it. By calmly, and without bias, offering options to your ADHD child, you give them something they are constantly striving for: control of their own life.

By providing an undesirable second option, you increase the odds that your child will choose the preferred outcome. Should he choose to go to bed rather than eat his dinner, you need to honour that. (In reality it just means that Momma gets a little bit of a break and surely that's a good thing…) --Amber/ @mommastuffblog

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Conditions That Go Along with ADHD Can be Worse than the ADHD Itself

ADHD often goes hand-in-hand with other conditions, like Oppositional Defiant Disorder, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, and learning disabilities. These conditions can cause their own set of challenges that need to be addressed and are sometimes more difficult to deal with than the ADHD. Access every resource available to you and your family to help you cope.--Laura Wright, The ODD Mom

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Always Listen to Your Gut

Listen to your gut instincts even if others say you are wrong; usually gut feelings are right. Be persistent and if you are not satisfied, get a second opinion; remember that you are your child's best advocate. Don't compare with other children with ADHD, every child is different, and there are many types of ADHD.

Don't feel bad about choosing to medicate your child. Every drug works differently, and works for some, while for others its diet. --Jeannine, My Bits and Bleeps

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Don`t Expect Everyone`s Compassion or Support

When my son was first diagnosed with ADHD, I shared the news with some other parents. I was looking for support, but I soon realized that most parents just don't ‘get’ ADHD. They believe that it is over diagnosed (which is possible) but doesn't mean that every diagnosis is wrong. There is a lot of judgement about using medication, and just not enough knowledge out there.

Seek support from other parents with ADHD kids. --Sheri McDonald, Kidsumers

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Don`t Make Enemies of Those Who Can Help

We all get in “mama bear” mode sometimes and that is a good and necessary thing- but try to remember that most of the people in your child’s life are not trying to hurt them. The teachers, doctors, specialists, therapists etc. may not do everything perfectly but the majority of them are doing their best.

This is especially true when it comes to your child’s school. The vast majority of teachers are truly wonderful people who have dedicated themselves to helping children succeed. When they come to you about your child - as they inevitably will - try to really listen to what they are saying. Assume that they have your child’s best interests at heart and see if you can work WITH them, not against them. Assume they are not trying to make life difficult. --Tara, Tara's View of the World / @tarasview

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Laughter and Gratitude Can Save Your Sanity

Some days living with an ADHD kid can be difficult, so look for the funny things. Learn to laugh at your life - it will make you feel better and keep you from going insane. Laugh at the chaos. Laugh at how different things are from what you thought they might be. Laugh because your kid is hilarious. Just laugh.

And remember to be thankful. Thankful that it is not worse. Thankful that your child is not dying of some horrible disease. Thankful that your child can talk and walk and run and jump and play. Gratitude is a definite sanity saver. --Tara, Tara's View of the World / @tarasview

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There Is Always Hope

I have two kids with varying levels of issues including ADHD. Others look at the craziness and feel sorry for us. We don't want people to feel pity us, we are learning to walk this path and find the glimmers of hope that come up. There are positives; we just have to look through different coloured glasses. -- Ruth Patton / @momsmusings

PHOTO: FLICKR CC/ FIKIRBAZ
This is NOT Your Fault!

I realized years ago that my son’s behaviour and abilities were potentially putting him in harm’s way. My son, like so many children with ADHD, is far too smart in many ways, without the ability to understand the consequences of his actions.

When he was little, I was terrified that I was dealing with something I was neither equipped nor comfortable managing alone. I beat myself up for years, thinking that if only I were smarter, faster and sneakier, maybe I could have outwitted my little one with ADHD more often.

I wish now I could talk to the younger me. I'd give her a hug and say, “SERIOUSLY, who could have been prepared for all THIS?! This isn’t your fault and you are doing a great job handling it.”

Let the guilt go and recognize you can’t control everything, all the time.--Sabrina

PHOTO: FLICKR CC/ JA1/4RIADO

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