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Farch is a Thing and It Needs to End Now

Feb 24, 2014 at 6:03 PM Chime in now



It's Farch. That bleak zone near the end of winter when February meets March, and the last stretch of cold weather threatens to drag on forever. Every year, Farch slaps me in the face like a soggy leather glove that's lost its mate in a snowbank. I know it's coming, but there is nothing I can do to keep it from sapping my give-a-damn.

How can you know for sure it's Farch you're labouring under and not the evil eye, or side effects of too much Candy Crush? Admittedly, it can be difficult to discern, but there are some telltale signs you're fighting Farch Madness:

  • Your favourite cozy boots are coming unravelled but it's too close to Spring to spend your money on winter gear and why bother, they're just going to get stained with salt.
  • You've lost one of your favourite gloves so you wear a pair that sort of match.
  • Your coat is kind of mucky and smells stale but what are you going to wear if you send it to the dry cleaner's? It's freezing out!
  • You are *so over* a cozy night in with a movie. 
  • You have stopped making belly-warming stews and soups and started buying pre-made meals from the frozen-food section.
  • You fantasize about fresh, locally grown produce as you fill your grocery cart with blueberries from South America and cucumbers from California.
  • You give up on the idea of ever finding a flattering winter hat. You also embrace your winter hat head and start referring to it as "hair sculpture". 
  • You subscribe to every "last minute" resort vacation site, even though you hate resorts.
  • You stop bothering to wipe your glasses off when they fog up from the cold-to-warm transitions and just wait for them to clear on their own as you fumble blindly for the keyhole.
  • You know you should wash your kids' winter coats and snow pants because they are filthy but can't be bothered because...winter.
  • You cancel your plans with your real-life girlfriends to watch "Girls".
  • All attempts at looking like a stylish grown-up when you go out for an adult dinner are abandoned with clunky winter boots, pilly sweaters and no make-up because your skin is way too dry to put it on.
  • You get excited when the snow and ice melt over the weekend, then despondent when you realise it has merely unleashed the odour of melting dog poop.
  • The photos you have from your summer vacation look like other, more attractive people from an alternate universe


Do you get the Farch Madness? What does it look like to you? Ping us @iVillageCanada on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment below to tell us your Farch story.


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